Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
