My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
pop tarts are not kleenex
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
