Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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