New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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