Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
