He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
