Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
