i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i think i have two assholes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i think im in europe. pls send help
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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