And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think i have herpe
just one?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
