There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
