The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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