batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
