Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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