I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
