next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
