Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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