This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
