I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
