sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
