Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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