I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
