if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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