Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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