WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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