If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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