so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
