she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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