I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
