just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
