Whod you bang
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
