This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
