hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
