there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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