Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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