Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
