I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
