So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
