it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
