Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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