i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
