Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
