I am puke
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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