these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
