now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
