I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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