I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
