Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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