I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
