my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
