maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
