Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
