it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
two words...techno handjob
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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