I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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