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• (813): View more from Florida

  hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.

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• (518): View more from New York

  You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever

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• (253): View more from Washington

  I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  ... drunk me broke the coffee table?

  (616): View more from Michigan

  STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky

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• (305): View more from Florida

  listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.

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