does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
